Third Party Interference: Shut Up and Listen

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Third Party Interference: Shut Up and Listen

When I accepted that first date, reciprocated the first kiss, and agreed to enter marriage, I obviously was keeping my focus on the one person I was sharing those moments with. What we fail to remember when we are in a committed relationship, is that it doesn’t just stay within the couple.

Your relationship will have eyes from friends and family, we have social media to thank for that. And not that you would be ashamed of shouting to the world, “I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS PERSON AND I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW”, because that’s exactly what you want to do when your heart swells with love and you’re just drowning in it. But now that you’ve proclaimed your love publicly, anyone and everyone (who matters- note that this is in parenthesis) will lovingly, or not, want to give their input about the relationship.

Let me speak specifically to the ladies first and foremost, since I have absolutely no clue how guys go about this. Us women are a species of companionship. We have our love/soulmate, and we also have friends. We NEED friendship.

Whether it’s people we work with, met in a social setting, or joining a Facebook group. We, women, cannot function without another living soul in our presence. The living and breathing entities we allow into our lives will hear us rant and bitch, because life isn’t unicorns and rainbows and we all know it. And guess what? EVERYONE has their moments where they just can’t take anymore of whatever bullshit they feel is being thrown at them.

Now, and I can’t speak for everyone, but when someone needs an ear that’s not their own to hear a pouring of word vomit, the listener will give feedback. It’s inevitable. That feedback could come in the form of an expression on their face, saying a word or two, or just getting up and walking away. You’re a good friend right? You’re going to let them know what you think about what’s going on here.

Feedback is all fine and well. But when you are listening to your best friend complain about her significant other, where do you draw the line on what you can address?

You’re not in the relationship, you don’t know about every single good or bad moment they have together. Hell, you probably don’t even know when exactly was the last time they had sex. So if someone makes use of your friendship, complains about their husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/wife, please don’t give advice UNLESS you are asked to give it.

I’m not saying that if your best friend says, “He threw me down a flight of stairs…”, that you should just dismiss that. NO. But know the difference between, “Hey, I’m having a shitty day and my boo thang hasn’t texted me.”, versus, “This black eye was no accident, he also doesn’t allow me outside in the sunlight”.

And I mean this in all sincere honesty, you’re probably just trying to be that good friend. But for the sake of all that is friendship itself, be a damn good friend and just LISTEN. That’s really all they want, someone to listen to them. Sit there, be patient, let them just get it all off their chest. They’ll love you even more for just being there and hearing what they feel.

Most of all, be that damn good friend and DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT JUDGE THEM. We are unfortunately human, we make mistakes more often than not.

And just know, that when it’s your turn to bitch, they’ll be the friend who will take in all your hurt and frustrations. They will be there for you, because you were there for them.

If you’ve reached this point, I want to congratulate you on finishing reading this. And I greatly appreciate your time which you have spent with me in this moment.

-R. Peregrina


About the Author:

Born in Virginia, USA. Traveled throughout north and south America by the age of 15. Believes in the magic of coffee. Finds her happy place through means of expressing what's within the depths of her mind. Has found the true meaning of love by welcoming her daughter into the world in 2015.