I’m not really sure how to talk about this because it is such a tough topic but I need to voice. Let me start by saying I love my husband no matter how frustrated I get with him. We have only been married 3 weeks but being married, let alone living with a veteran is so HARD!
There are nights he sleeps then there are the other nights….. Those nights where he gets up every hour, possibly every 30 minutes. He tosses and turns. Hes talked in his sleep. Just last night he had a panic attack in his sleep. He had a dream he was under fire and telling his company to get to cover.
The hardest part about being married to this wonderful man is I can’t do anything to help. I can’t rescue this man I love so much from this eternal nightmare.
All I want to do in this life is make my husband’s life easier and to know that I can’t makes my days hard. You have to be the strong one when he’s having a bad day. I can’t wake him up during a nightmare, all I can do is hold him and hope it helps. If you don’t think PTSD is real I’m here to tell you it most definitely is.
He recently got a letter from the V.A. that said they were lowering his disability because in their words “Veteran has got better”. Dear V.A. you are the reason I lost my husband for 3 days. The sweet, loving man I knew was with me but mentally absent for 3 days. We’ve been married 3 weeks and in the first 2 weeks I lost him for 3 days, while we were moving.
When he finally came back he didn’t say much. Just went through the motions of day to day life. It took a whole week to recover. For someone who had never experienced that it was a shock for me.
I have depression and anxiety and I had no idea how to handle my emotions. Do you get pissed off and yell? Do you recluse into yourself? Why is this man here but not here?
This man that I fell madly in love with is gone, will he come back? Will there be many days like this? Then the “appeal” process. For someone who fought for our freedom, they shouldn’t worry about how they are going to afford to live. They should be able to not worry about another damn thing but I digress.
My dear sweet husband came back but there are still days, those days he can’t sleep.
I know those days will come and go I just hope God will help me get through them. I hope to be the strong woman my husband deserves.
I pray God grants me patience to help this man go through the trials he deals with every day. Most of all I hope for peace. World peace so men and women don’t have to live like my husband and many other veterans.
Learning to deal with things every day.