The sun is greeting me to the bright new day. I am awake and blessed to be alive. But all I can think about is all the things I have to get done today.
I try to close my eyes to escape. My heart is racing and I haven’t even gotten out of bed yet.
The only thing to put me back into reality is my dog licking my face begging to be let out because they kind of rely on you for that stuff.
I never really felt anxious until I started college. I remember the day I had what I thought was a panic attack. I was sitting in the cafe waiting for class to start and my mind started racing.
Thinking about my chemistry class that I was barely passing. Thinking about my failed first job I started that semester. Finals were approaching and I couldn’t take it for another minute.
My breathing started to increase and my foot started tapping almost without my knowledge. I wanted to leave.. So I picked up my shit and went home to take a nap.
That may not have been an actual panic attack, but situations like that still happen to me and it has only gotten worse. My feelings of anxiousness also come with irritability and I take my feelings out on others.
Which forces me to isolate myself to avoid hurting anyone’s feelings. I spend most of my days alone with minimal activity to avoid being out of control.
My biggest fear is being out of control. When I have no control, I have no idea what’s going to happen that day. I have a hard time accepting the unknown.
I figured out that when I actually get off my butt and do the things on my to do list, my anxiety decreases. But getting up starting any task is hard for anyone battling anxiety because I already feel defeated by the unknown.
It’s a disabling feeling that forces me to close myself off from this fast pace world.
Do not let the world defeat you but accept the things you cannot control. Meaning, focus on yourself and your goals and let the world or whatever higher power you believe handle the things that are not bestowed upon your life.
You are in charge of YOU and NOTHING can take that away.