If you are anything like me, you have attended your fair share of weddings in the past five years (and have probably participated in even more). You may find yourself as the only one at the singles table at your family Thanksgiving; hell, you may even be still sitting at the kids table because you lack the plus one to get you a seat at the main table. You’ve used all the dating apps and websites. You’ve endured one too many bad dates. At this point you don’t know whether to be frustrated with your expectations or with the people who’s sole purpose is to help you “find that perfect match” and keep falling short.
If you’re anything like this, you’re probably at the point (again) of giving up; because the thought of starting all over from step one is exhausting. You’ve sworn off dating because “it just isn’t the right time:” and you know what? That thought process f**king sucks! But you know what is worse? Settling.
So what if you have expectations and want that 12/10 experience! At this point in life you’ve probably been dating long enough to know what you do and don’t like and you shouldn’t be expected to lower your standards. So get back on your unicorn and get back to loving those things that make you you. Not sure if you are ready for that? Not sure if you know how? I’ve got you covered:
1. You stop caring if you answer your texts right away. Your phone either is being left in other rooms or you let the battery die or you “forget” that it’s on silent. Either way, you start distancing yourself from conversation.
2. You cringe when you do answer your phone and see who is texting you. You seriously have nothing to add to a conversation. Your brain is fried and you don’t have any desire to try to recharge. Being flirty and witty makes you want to vomit almost more than reading the mushy text message you just received.
3. You find more things you hate about dating than you enjoy. You start wishing you had more time for yourself. The thought of sharing a space with someone makes you shiver. Getting ready for a date is no longer fun and you don’t want to hear how great you look in sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt for the zillionth time.
4. You enjoy having the bed to yourself more than usual. As much as you love being the little spoon in the couple cuddle, you have enjoyed having all of the blankets and pillows to yourself. You don’t miss the soft snores in your ear or being woken up in the morning when they get ready to leave. And you definitely are enjoying the ability to sprawl out instead of being scrunched into a cramped cuddling position.
5. You find yourself defending your desire to not be tied down. Everything you once enjoyed as a couple you now dislike. You don’t want to plan for the future. You don’t want to have to sacrifice your goals for someone else; and you definitely don’t feel bad about wanting to be selfish and put yourself first.
6. You’re no longer jealous of your married friends. In fact, you are actually now envious of those friends who are carefree and loving the single life. You have a newfound wanderlust for life that cannot be satisfied with someone else. And baby fever? Forget it! That biological clock can just keep on ticking because “not today, satan!”
7. You feel you are sacrificing your authentic self for the happiness of someone else. Relationships are all about sacrifices. When you are in a relationship with someone you really care about, those sacrifices don’t feel like you are chipping away at a piece of your soul. Because face it, if you are deeply in love with someone and they reciprocate the feeling, you won’t really be sacrificing anything for them. Instead, you will be choosing a new path that compliments both of your life goals.
Dating sucks. We spend more of our time worrying about when we will find Mr Right or that mystical unicorn who’s a perfect combination of hot and crazy that we stop listening to what we want for ourself. When you notice you’re giving more of yourself than you receive from the relationship you are in, it’s time to get out. And vice versa, if you notice you are not putting in what you are receiving.. MOVE ON! You are worth more than settling.